Q & A Unusual Health Tips Q & A
Thanks to Carlyn L. for these unusual health tips!
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life;
is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out
eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car
by driving it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow
eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a
steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of
delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat
chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green
leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of
your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so
you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also
made out of grain. Bottoms up!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one
to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a
regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry.
Our philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening....Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could
getting more vegetables be bad for you?
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft
around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger.
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable.
It's the best feel-good food around!!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !
--------------------------------------------------------------------
We hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you
may have had about food and diets. And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in an attractive and well- preserved body,
but rather to skid in sideways -- Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other --
body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming, 'WOO HOO"!
More unusual people, places and things. |
