|
The story of two wreckers.
See this photo story from our
"Unusually Dumb" files.
Unusual Accidents
Story of Two Wreckers
|
|
They walk and talk among us.
These quotes are from a book called "Disorder
in the American Courts," and are things people actually said in court, word for
word, taken down and now published by court reporters who
had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were
actually taking place. ___________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ___________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the mpact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ___________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? ___________________________________
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan! ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th ?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gettin' laid! ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose
terminated it? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess. _____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you per
formed on dead people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that? ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK?
What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering
why I was doing an autopsy on him! ______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? ______________________________________
--- And the best for last: ---
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
Thanks to Jackie B. for submitting the amusing tidbits above --
fine examples of "Unusually Dumb!"
_____________
Put in your 2 cents!
Do YOU know
of
something
unusually DUMB
that
you'd
like to share? Send it in!
Submit
Unusual Items NO FEE -
NO HASSLE
Stay alert!
They walk (and drive) among us...
They reproduce...
and they VOTE!
|
|
